unfinished childhood

just a hypothesis

2011-05-04T04:12:00.000-07:00

one of my hypothesis is that the perfectionism wich is combined with this disorder cause them want the relation ship in the best possible way... so magic... soooooooooooo idealistic... so perfect.. it causes them to specify huge amount of energy to manage the relationship... responsibility, perfectionism, and need to control, hypersensitivity, alltoghether (and some other unknown factors) cause them to show anxious attachment style....
on the other hand their childhood experiences cause them to think that they are tiring the other one by this kind of attachment.. permenant monitoring ....so they try to inhibit themselves.. try to hide allllllll of their fears..... and their harm avoidance cause them to go backward in the relationship and become avoidant. then what is the out come???????????
ya!! u are right...
avoidance+ anxious attachment style may form a new type of attachment: ambivalent!!!
and of course this type may bother any boday.....
a one who is sooooooooooo caring becomes avoidant suddenly...
what happens next?
.
.
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from now on...the diaries of a person with OCD/OCPD

2011-05-04T03:42:00.000-07:00

HI
IT WAS FOR SOME TIME I WAS ABSENT AS I WAS PRACTICING MY THESIS SUBJECT!!!!
BEING INVOLVED IN AN INTIMATE RELATION SHIP....
HAVE U EVER SEEN A PERSON WITH OCD WHO IS IN A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP? WHAT DO THINK OF IT? OH... EVEN I WANT TO ASK THAT WHETHER U HAVE HAD EXPERIENCED BEING IN CLOSE RELATION SHIP WITH SUCH KIND OF PERSON?
... AS A PERSON WHO ASKS THIS QUESTION HERE AND THERE... THE MOST FREQUENT ANSWER IS: HEY... CAN THEY START AND INVOLVE IN SUCH KIND OF RELATIONS?
OH... THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED IN GETTING CLOSE TO PEOPLE...MOST OF THEM R SHOCKED WHEN O TELL THEM THAT A CLOSE CONNECTION MEANS ALOOOOOOOOOT TO AN OCD/OCPD ... THAT MUCH THAT IT MAY CAUSE THEM TO BE AFRAID OF ENTERING IT WITH THE FEAR OF NOT BEING ABLE TO AFFORD IT...
LAST YEAR TWO OF MY FRIENDS WITH OCPD DIVORCED... ONE OF THEM WITH OBSESSIONS GOT DEPRESSED.. THE OTHER ONE SAID THAT HE WONT CONTIUE BEING IN THIS RELATION ANY MORE.../
AND HOW ABOUT MYSELF...
???
DONT WAIT ANYMORE!!! IT'S SECRET...
I AM GOING TO TELL THE STORY OF THESE PEOPLE IN THIS WEBLOG FROM NOW ON... HOPE U LIKE IT ... HOPE U HELP ME TO ENRICH THIS STORY WITH YOUR EXPRIENCES... SO PLEAAAAAAAAAAAASE INTRODUCE ME IF U KNOW A PERSON WITH OCD/ OCPD WHO WISHES TO SHARE HER EXPRIENCES WITH ME...

BPD THERAPY

2010-12-28T08:22:00.000-08:00

i am so interested in the metaphors used for the psychotherapy of BPD disorder:

emotional dance, re weaning a child securely... and such kinds of metaphors.

2010-12-27T23:04:00.001-08:00

the boundaries of words,the boundaries of worlds

For my eyes only: Gaze control, enmeshment, and relationship quality.

2010-12-19T10:41:00.000-08:00

Petrican, Raluca; Burris, Christopher T.; Bielak, Tania; Schimmack, Ulrich; Moscovitch, Morris

Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Dec 13, 2010, No Pagination Specified. doi: 10.1037/a0021714

Perceived closeness that preserves the distinctness of each partner enhances intimate relationship quality, whereas pseudocloseness or enmeshment—reflecting an inability to distinguish one's own thoughts and emotions from a partner's—may have more negative outcomes (R. J. Green & P. D. Werner, 1996). Two studies investigated whether a dispositional inability to differentiate self from other is manifested at the attentional level as reduced capacity to inhibit following the gaze of another (A. Frischen, A. P. Bayliss, & S. P. Tipper, 2007). Among healthy elderly spouses in Study 1, superior gaze control predicted superior sociocognitive functioning, and those with poorer gaze control abilities were perceived by the partner as constricting the perceiving partner's autonomy, which in turn predicted lower relationship satisfaction among the latter. Moreover, these links were mediated by enmeshment, as indicated by the percentage of “we”-focused versus “I”- or partner-focused thoughts and emotions in the partners' independent accounts of the same relationship events. Extending these findings in a sample of Parkinson's disease patients and their spouses, Study 2 revealed a biphasic effect of self–other differentiation on relationship dynamics: In the early stages of the disease, increased couple focus promoted superior relationship quality, whereas lack of self–other differentiation predicted poorer relationship quality later. Thus, dispositional variations in fundamental social-perceptual processes predict both close relationship dynamics and long-term relationship quality. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2010 APA, all rights reserved)

2010-12-17T05:03:00.000-08:00

the sun and the desert

landscape

2010-12-17T04:39:00.000-08:00

the dance of sun rays on the see waves!

2010-12-16T10:16:00.001-08:00

the diaries of a gold fish.....

2010-12-16T10:15:00.001-08:00

the journey of the rivers

2010-12-16T10:14:00.000-08:00

when the rivers join the see

math jokes

2010-12-02T06:03:00.000-08:00

Theorem. A cat has nine tails.

Proof. No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have nine tails.

Q: How can you tell that a mathematician is extroverted?
A: When talking to you, he looks at your shoes instead of at his.

A woman in a bar tries to pick up a mathematician.
"How old, do you think, am I?" she asks coyly.
"Well - 18 by that fire in your eyes, 19 by that glow on your cheeks, 20 by that radiance of your face, and adding that up is something you can probably do for yourself..."

Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...

Q: What is sour, yellow, and equivalent to the axiom of choice...
A: Zorn's lemon...

Q: What is polite and works for the phone company?
A: A deferential operator...

Q: What is purple and commutative?
A: An abelian grape...

a lesson for ever

2010-11-29T08:36:00.000-08:00

ownership...thats it! what i am struggling with these days.

nothing belongs to you in this big big world. remember it! and everything will be okay

2010-11-28T21:30:00.001-08:00

Siren of the police cars

He knows himself as a mere academic person with scientific concerns ! he never attends in political conflicts…he pays no attention to social and political discussions…he believes these r just some kind of rabish. Last night , while crossing ther road he hears the sound of siren police cars for protecting the charectors….he just sits there…on the pavement an cries for half an hour!...who Is he actually? A simple unknown researcher or a recently born revolutionist?

2010-11-27T09:24:00.000-08:00

when the symbols let the cat out of the bag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-11-26T10:04:00.000-08:00

when the untold overcome the words

2010-11-24T12:35:00.000-08:00

when the sun shines....

2010-11-11T10:05:00.000-08:00

persimmon

2010-11-11T09:37:00.000-08:00

felling in love with psychotics moment by moment (a progressive love)... feeling good in mad house more than any where else in this world....getting familiar with madcap logic little by little....and...

2010-10-19T14:15:00.000-07:00

in the middle of a deeeeeeeeeeeeeeep exprience

the taste of calmness

2010-10-05T09:20:00.000-07:00

the first night of calmness. the main duty of these days is tasting the meaning of the word" calmness" ....it tastes so sour! so sweet...so...just like a piece of "lavashak", you put it in your mouth. close your eyes and wait to experience the taste of it in your brain. in your heart. in your soul. you wish nobody disturb you. you wish nobody speak to you. as it is getting wet in your mouth, you are brought back to the time you were fetus. the only time you felt pure freedom and justice in your life. calmness tastes just like a piece of "lavashak". so sour,so sweet, so lovely, so memorable, ...and so inspiring!you put it in your mouth. close your eyes, and wait to be brought back to all the best moments in your life: it tastes as that piece of cake Marcel Prouest put in his mouth in "remebrance of times past"...it helps you jump(fly) many many steps ahead in completing your unfinished childhood.

a 3*4 world

2010-10-02T15:01:00.000-07:00

these days I am living in a 3*4 room (at maximum). this cozy room is the biggest world I have ever experienced living in!

human being, a sick animal!

2010-10-01T11:15:00.000-07:00

پنجشنبه هشت شهريور هزار و سيصد و هشتاد ونه: دويست و سي و يكمين سمينار علوم عصب شناختي اجتماعي: بيمارستان شهداي تجريش. ارائه دهنده دكتر نجل رحيم.
عنوان ارائه: صاعقه ايي بدرخشيد و عشقي شعله ور شد!
موضوع ارائه گزارش كتاب اليور سكس در باب مردي به نام چيكوريست كه پس از يك تجربه نزديك به مرگ -نير دس اكسپرينس- دچار علاقه وسواس گونه به موسيقي مي شه. و اين علاقه چنان در اون ريشه مي گيره كه به واسطه تلاش اجبار گونش بعد از مدتي اين آقا كه جراح استخوان هست تبديل به يك موزيسين ميشه - مي تونين فيلم اجراهاي اين آقا رو از اينترنت دانلود كنيد- مي دونيم كه چنين مواردي در تاريخ كم نيستند. كساني كه نبوغشون در زمينه ايي خاص بعد از يك تصادف يا يك ميستيك اكسپرينس شكوفا ميشه- بر عكسش يعني از بين رفتن يك مهارت در نتيجه آسيب كه خيلي شايعه و محل بحث نيست-.
هرچند تا حالا مكانيسم دقيقي براي توضيح اين اتفاق تبيين نشده، اما يكي از قانع كننده ترين تئوري ها، تئوري اينهيبيشن- ديس هيبيشن هست. طبق اين تئوري انسان در زمينه هاي گوناگون داري توانايي هاي خارق العاده ايست كه اين هيبيت يا بازداري شده و اين اتفاقات اين بازداري رو بازداري زدايي مي كنند و اجازه مي دن اون توانايي بافعل بشه! توضيح اينكه حالا چرا يك توانايي خاص شكوفا ميشه و خيلي سوالات جزئي تر در اينجا نمي گنجه. اما فكر كردن به نتايج تلويحي جالبي كه از دل اين فرضيه بر مياد جالب خواهد بود.

صميميت

2010-09-29T11:19:00.001-07:00

برآيند وجود يك رفتار، يك روحيه و خصيصه در يك رابطه صميمانه هميشه ثابت است. بعد از مدتي من شبيه تو مي شوم و تو شبيه من! من خيلي رفتارها ، عادات و روحياتم را در بودن با تو گم مي كنم ، وتو آنها را برايم حفظ مي كني ! چيزي اين وسط گم نمي شود

Eating for Self-Synchronization

2010-05-27T00:26:00.000-07:00

When you eat out of hunger, you tune in to yourself. When you eat in response to cravings, you tune in to the environment.

Try this: some time this week contrast and compare craving-driven eating and hunger-driven eating.On a scheduled craving-driven eating day, eat each and every time you have a craving.On a scheduled hunger-driven eating day, eat only if you are hungry.

Notice a process of social and environmental synchronization.When you eat in a craving-driven fashion, you eat each and every time the environment presents you with a powerful enough stimulus to elicit a craving in you.As a result, you become attuned to the environment, eating in sync, as if line-dancing with a crowd of strangers.Everybody eats, and you eat.

Compare this with a different kind of synchronization, self-synchronization (synchronization with your self), when you eat in a hunger-driven manner.While you begin to feel progressively out of sync with the environment (everybody eats, but you don’t), you begin to appreciate a sense of your behavior becoming synchronized with your intentions.Notice what feels better to you.

Don’t get me wrong:I am not suggesting that you forever eat all by yourself. No. I am just pointing out the cost associated with social eating.Social eatingconnects us to others and disconnects us from ourselves. That’s just the reality of it. After all, while we can sync our watches, we can’t quite sync our hunger. As a result, at least one person at the table will be eating out of sync with themselves. On some days it might feel more important for you to connect with others than with yourself. On those days, eating while not hungry (just because someone else has triggered you to crave) might be an acceptable price to pay for the psychological benefits of social company. On other days, perhaps, not. Knowing what you need more (to connect with yourself or with others) when you need it is part of balanced self-care.

One in Five Young Adults Has Mental Health Disorder

2010-05-23T15:13:00.000-07:00

Nearly one in five adults under age 25 suffers from a psychiatric disorder such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) or social anxiety disorder. However, less than 25 percent of these individuals seeks help.

These findings come as the result of more than 5000 face-to-face interviews with students and non-students age 19 to 25. When substance abuse was counted in these figures, nearly half of the subjects suffered from a mental health disorder. College students were less likely to have substance abuse problems or suffer from bipolar disorders, but were otherwise equally as likely to experience mental health problems.

What Do Happy People Talk About?

2010-05-23T15:09:00.000-07:00

Bobby McFerrin may have been wrong when he sang, "Don't worry, be happy." A new study shows that people who tackle heavy topics in daily conversation actually report higher levels of happiness than those who keep it light.

University of Arizona researcher Mathias R. Mehl had 79 undergraduates wear an Electronically Activated Recorder, or EAR, for three days. The EAR recorded 30 seconds of sound every 12.5 minutes. Researchers coded snippets of conversations picked up by the recorders according to whether the participant was alone or with others and whether the conversation was small talk, substantive, or other. Overall, about 18 percent of conversations qualified as small talk while 35.5 percent were substantive.

Twice in a three week interval participants also completed an inventory on how satisfied they were with their lives and were asked to assess the statement "I see myself as someone who is happy, satisfied with life."

One result from the study showed what previous studies have also shown: People who spent more time with others were happier. However the study also revealed that those who spent less time engaging in small talk and more time talking about substantial issues also experienced higher levels of well-being. Compared to the least happiest participants, the happiest in the study spent 25 percent less time alone and 70 percent more time talking, engaging in twice as much substantive talking and about one third the amount of small talk.

Whether there is a cause and effect relationship between talking about heavy topics and being happy remains to be seen. People who talk about more substantial things may, for example, be happier due to already existing intimacies in their lives. Next up, Dr. Mehl plans to investigate whether prescribing these sorts of conversations leads to an increase in well-being.

In the meantime you may want to dig a little deeper before your next conversation turns to the weather forecast.

2010-05-16T08:36:00.000-07:00

همه دارند مي روند يا به فكر رفتند....

خوشحالم از اينكه در مملكتي زندگي مي كنم كه آدم را وادار مي كند هميشه يادش بماند كه هيچ كس قرار نيست تا ابد برايت بماند....اين روزها به چشمها ي هر دوست كه نگاه مي كنم يك سريال كامل از روز بدرقه اش در فرودگاه تا بيست سال بعدش كه با يك بچه به بغل در كنار يك همسر مو بور خواهم ديدش (اگر ببينم) در ذهنم مرور مي شود....نگاهم در هر نگاهي كه گره مي خورد ...دستم در هر دستي كه فشرده مي شود و صدايم در هر صدايي كه گم مي شود مرا به ياد روزي مي اندازد كه اين دوست نخواهد بود...اين صدا...اين نگاه ...اين دستها نخواهند بود

اين روزها روزها ي غريبي است. غريب ترين بهار زندگيم را تجربه مي كنم.... دارم بزرگ مي شوم ...دارم ياد مي گيرم روي پاهاي خودم راه بروم ....با صداي خودم حرف بزنم..با چشمهاي خودم ببينم.... ..با .... و تجربه همه ي اينها به يكباره به تنهايي كمي غريب است و جديد و ....

2010-03-26T00:13:00.000-07:00

سلام.

اگر يك روز با كسي مواجه بشيد كه ادعا مي كنه دنيا و زندگي در اون سراسر شگفت آور، بديع، حيرت آفرين وغير قابل پيش بيني هست شما ادعاشو باور مي كنيد؟

اين سوال نقطه شروع نوشتن قصه ي طلاق روانشناسي و فلسفه است

به قول يوستين گردر فرق فلاسفه و ساير آدمها در اينه كه هنوز همه ي چيزهاي دنيا كه به نظر مردم روتين و عادي به نظر مي رسه اونا رو مثل بچه ها به شگفتي وا مي داره....به قول اون در كتاب دنياي سوفي تنها چيزي كه لازم داريم تا فيلسوف خوبي بشيم قوه شگفتي است. به نظر او اگر كل جهان و كائنات را به خرگوش سفيدي تشبيه كنيم كه شعبده باز از كلاهش در ميآره، آنگاه ما كه در اينجا به سر مي بريم شپشكهاي ريزي در لابه لاي موهاي آن خرگوش به حساب مي آييم. منتها فيلسوفان سعي دارند مستقيم از موهاي خرگوش بالا بروند و در چشم ان خرگوش زل بزنند. گردر مي گه بچه ها اولين بار كه هرچيزي رو مي بينن بسيار شگفت زده ميشن و به مرور زمان جهان شگفتي شو از دست مي ده چون به ديدن اون عادت مي كنن.

اما ظاهرا پارادكس غريبي اينجا وجود داره كه آقاي گردر از توضيح دربارش غافل موندن! اگر ما واقعا معتقديم شگفتي و بديع بودن ويژگي ذاتي دنياست و هيچ چيز از پيش تعيين شده ايي وجود نداره كه بخواييم منتظرش باشيم و همه چيز غير قابل پيش بيني است، اونوقت به نظر ميرسه اون كسي كه بيشتر از همه شگفت زده مي شه در واقع كسي خواهد بود كه كمتر از همه به نو ديدن عادت كرده!

و اينجاست كه حيرت عارفان جنس خودشو نشون مي ده!....نمي دونم اما به نظرم فلاسفه ي عمر سر ما رو گول ماليدن با پز دادن در باب پرداختن به مسائلي كه كمتر كسي بهش مي پردازه. آيا دليل نپرداختن توده مردم به يافتن پاسخ براي بعضي سوالات نمي تونه اين باشه كه دنيا رو همين جور غير قابل توضيح و پيچيده پذيرفتن و ساده سازي اونو توهيني به نظم آشوب گونش مي دونن؟ من به عنوان كسي كه هنوز مطالعه روي سكوهاي چوبي حياط پشتي انجمن حكمت و فلسفه لذت بخش ترين تفريح روزهاي تعطليش هست، اذعان مي كنم داره كم كم باورم ميشه فيلسوف واقعي و كسي كه واقعا روحيه فلسفي داره، همون مادر بزرگ نادر ابراهيمي بوده كه چهل روز در خونش رو آب و جارو مي كرده به اميد گذر حضرت خضر از اونجا و روز چهلم هركس از اونجا عبور مي كرده حضرت خضر بوده براش! به همين سادگي و به همين پيچيدگي دقيقا

و اما روانشناسي... فكر مي كنم تفاوت روانشناس واقعي با مردم دقيقا نقطه مقابل تفاوت فيلسوف و مردمه. اون بيشتر از ي آدم عادي مي دونه كه هيچ قانوني بر رفتار بشر حاكم نيست - البته در اين گفتار ارادت من به نظريه آشوب رياضي بسيار مشهود هست- و اون بر خلاف عنوانش تنها كسيه كه مي دونه هرگز و هيچ وقت قادر نخواهد بود كسي رو به معني واقعي بشناسه چون شناخت كسي مستلزم لايتغير و ثابت بودن اون شخص براي مدتي -حداقل در زمان مورد بررسي قرار گرفتن هست- در حاليكه انسان هر لحظه در آفرينش مجدد و خلقت دوباره است....اينه كه اولين چيزي كه روانشناس بايد ياد بگيره اينه كه از در اومدن خرگوش از كلاه شعبده باز حيرت نكنه.....چون اين جادو طبيعت دنياست....پارادكس غريب و زيباييست به نظرم

2010-03-25T03:03:00.002-07:00

دنيا بيستون است اما فرهاد ندارد، و آن تيشه هزار سال است كه در شكاف كوه افتاده است...مردم مي آيند و ميروند اما كسي سراغ آن تيشه را نميگيرد. ديگر كسي نقشي بر اين سينه ي سخت و ستبر نمي كند. دينا بيستون است و روي هر ستون عفريت فرهاد كش نشسته است. و هر روز پايين مي آيد و در گوشت نجوا مي كند كه شيرين دوستت ندارد و جهان تلخ مي شود...تو اما باور نكن. عفريت فرهاد كش دروغ مي گويد.زيرا كه تا عشق هست، شيرين هست

نشانه هاي ورود به دوران بزرگسالي

2010-03-25T02:27:00.003-07:00

داريم بزرگ مي شويم كم كم، و از نشانه هاي بزرگ شدنمان اينكه برخلاف قبلا كه هر بار پايمان به كتاب فروشي مي رسيد، بار مي زديم از ترس قحطي، مجموعه ايي از كتابهايي كه گاها تلفظ اسمش هم برايمان صقيل بود، و فكر مي كرديم فقط با حمل و نقل و احتمالا خواندن بعضي از آنها آدم حسابي خواهيم شد، امروز بعد از چند ساعت پرسه زدن در لابه لاي كتابها و خنديدن به ريش آدمهاي بيكاري كه فرصت نوشتنش را داشته اند، كتاب ماهي سياه كوچولو را كه از كف دستمان هم كوچكتر است، زير بغل كه نه، مي گذاريم توي جيبمان و مفتخر به شكاري كه كرده ايم مي زنيم بيرون ....آري! ما بزرگ شدنمان هم مثل بقيه كارهايمان كمي معكوس بود.كمي فقط!

دلخوشی های کوچک من

2010-03-03T04:58:00.000-08:00

دل ما این روزها خوش است به ملاقات هر روزه ی درختی که پیش از آمدن بهار شکوفه داده...دل ما این روزها خوش است به قدم زدن دم غروب در کوچه های قدیمی ده ونک که هنوز پسر بچه هایی یافت می شنوند آنجا که از نه اسفند ماهی گلی می فروشند کنار خیابان و دخترهایی که چادر مادرشان را می کشند برای خریدن تخم مرغ های رنگی و مادرانی که ....دلمان خوش است به دیدن پیرمردهایی که با مغازه دار ها چانه می زنند برسر دانه های گندمی که نامرغوب بوده اند پارسال و دیر سبز شده اند و از غرلندهای حاج خانم می گویند برای خرید جوانه های دیگر...

خوشیم این روزها به خوشی همه ی آدمهای ساده اطرافم...انها که منتظر نمی شوند تقویمها سبزی دلشان را رسمیت ببخشند

خوشم و خوبم چون اینجا مردم هنوز نان سنگک می خورند و ماهی گلی می فروشند و جوانه گندم می خرند و در امامزاده حلوا پخش می کنند و برای گربه ها و پرنده ها نان می پاشند و درختها پیش از آمدن بهار شکوفه می زنند

2009-05-28T03:36:00.000-07:00

I'm back with this new adress, like alwayes, I've forgoten the prevoius one